Magazine archive: The Closer

Men Behaving Dadly

Men Behaving Dadly

Can something as complex as a father's skill be measured? Yes, it can.

Beg Business

Beg Business

Nominations for the inaugural class of the Panhandler Hall of Fame

Tourist for a Day

Tourist for a Day

High tide for tourists is here. Instead of holing up inside until the last pair of jeans shorts disappears from the streets, The Closer tries it from the other side.

Up to the Plate

Up to the Plate

You may know that The Closer, when he's not Closing, reviews restaurants. People constantly ask him, "Man, how do I do that?" His answer: Eat like a maniac, and write like you mean it. Oh, and make...

Place Your Bets

Place Your Bets

Examining Chicago's odds of snaring the 2016 Olympics, factoring in thongs, apathy, and Coolio

A Winter's Tale

A Winter’s Tale

Lately, I've been thinking about joining a Polar Bear Club—you know, those maniacs who load up on Bloody Marys, strip down to nothing at the North Avenue beach, and hop into the freezing lake for...

Ode-errific

Ode-errific

I think that I shall ne'er behold / a poem, lovely as the ode / on suburbs that will here unfold.

The Unpublished

The Unpublished

All the letters to the magazine that were too good to throw away, now in print

Pain, No Gain

Pain, No Gain

Can enlightenment come through pain? The Closer tries self-denial, fatigue, boredom, Ben Affleck movies, and a colonic.

Will You Be My Friend?

Will You Be My Friend?

Facebook faux pas are impossible to avoid—if you're not 19.