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Jay the Ripper

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OVER THE YEARS, Jay Mariotti has launched some bracing insults from his daily Sun-Times column, "The First Word." A sampling:

[Jerry Angelo has] graduated from a mere cartoon character into Chicago's biggest ongoing sports buffoon, which is some accomplishment given the assortment of idiots around here.  - 1/4/05

If someone in charge doesn't muzzle Ozzie Guillen with duct tape, inject him with a horse tranquilizer or simply order him to shut the (bleep) up - his favorite expression, not mine - the man is going to talk himself out of a job and shame the city and ballclub he represents. - 4/23/05

I can safely say the Sox won't win a World Series as long as [Jerry Reinsdorf] owns them. - 6/7/05

For less than $1 million a year, the price of a backup infielder, the Cubs have sold what's left of their rapidly decaying soul.  -4/2/06, on the selling to Anheuser-Busch of the naming rights to the Wrigley Field bleachers

Sox fans are better than Cubs fans. They're smarter, more discriminating, and less tolerant of bad management. - 3/31/03

It seems clear, almost 10 years after he was drafted as a Texas phenom, that [Kerry] Wood's head is too cluttered with Cubdom's exhaust for him to ever reach his full potential in Wrigleyville. - 4/14/05

Barry Lamar Bonds is the one with the issues, more than anyone in sports. And I speak for much of America when I hope his pathetic saga soon ends unhappily. - 4/20/06

DePaul is DePressing, Northwestern left its game in a Tijuana bar, Notre Dame is rejecting the concept of Layup Jesus and Illinois is a charity case with a lame-duck coach. - 3/5/96, on the four teams' not even qualifying for the NCAA Tournament

Sorry, but the great state of Illinois cannot be represented in Washington by Sen. Limp Ditka. - 7/13/04, on Mike Ditka's possibly running for Senate

Hopefully, this is just a cowardly way of diverting attention from [Mayor Daley's] City Hall scandals and not an elaborate brainstorm to host the world when Chicago has enough trouble managing itself. - 7/28/05, on the city's expressing a hope to host the 2016 Olympics

No show is nuttier than the ongoing soap opera at Notre Dame, where priests are selling out priests, female administrators are shaving their heads, a North Shore CEO is the real Touchdown Jesus and the football coaching position - once the proudest berth in American sports - has become as desirable as a pricker bush.  -12/10/04, after eight people turned down a coaching position at Notre Dame

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