Des Plaines High School Regulates Footloose Dancing

Maine West to crack down on inappropriate dancing, from grinding to “bending over.” They’ll track dirty dancing with wristbands, immortal signal of permission to do things.

Dancing is the vertical expression of a horizontal desire legalized by music. —George Bernard Shaw

Guess the dateline:

“We’re certainly not the only school in the country dealing with this issue. It seems to be becoming more mainstream and more the norm…and it certainly is not,” Assistant Principal Dave Berendt said of inappropriate dancing. “If we continue to turn a blind eye to it, we’re just condoning the behavior.”

[snip]

On a recent afternoon, Maine West students expressed a variety of opinions on the new rule, with many calling it “absurd” or “dumb”. Dancing sexually has become a part of today’s culture and is common among a younger generation, some argued.

The correct answer is “timeless” (via Chicagoist and First Draft).

The wristband—eternal signal of permission to party for those ages 16-21—is a nice touch, but I was under the impression that the majority of social dance forms “simulate a sexual act,” from English country dance to “grinding” to “bending over.” A more effective solution would be to institute a strict line-dancing-only policy, the only dance that experts believe to contain no sexuality whatsoever.

We reached Chicago native Ren McCormack for comment.

Update: I can’t believe this didn’t occur to me. Then again, I am basically as prudish as the Maine West brass. I didn’t think those country-dancing scences should have been in Jane Austen novels either.

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