Sep 30, 2008

Let the Games Begin

Two Chicago teams. Eight baseball fanatics. Dozens of neuroses among them. As long as the Cubs are still playing, Chicago's editors and contributors, a group with more baggage than the United Terminal at O'Hare, will reveal their prejudices and vent their frustrations after each game. Here's the roster of pundits:

tritsch

THE BLEACHERITE
Growing up in Cincinnati in the Big Red Machine era, Shane Tritsch thought it was wonderful—but hardly unusual—to see his team win the World Series. Then he moved to Chicago, became a Cubs fan, and learned otherwise. Now he hedges his emotional risk by rooting for the Cubs and his boyhood team, and by embracing the worldview of those beer-moistened party people in the Bud Light Bleachers. If the Cubs win, he's thrilled; if they lose, well, he's pretty damn happy anyway—as long as the weather is nice and the postgame line at Bernie's isn't too long.

ruby

THE CUBS HATER
Jeff Ruby grew up on the Sox, but lives on the North Side, bravely, in the heart of Cubbie territory. He spits on the Cubs pennant down his block every time he walks past. No one in the neighborhood likes him—not even his Sox-hating wife.

ylisela

THE DELUSIONIST
James Ylisela Jr. celebrates every spring by confidently predicting that the Cubs will win it all. In the final game against Florida in the 2003 playoffs, Jim assured his friends that everything was going to work out fine. Several of those people are still not speaking to him. Jim says that's OK, too, because the 2008 Cubs will sweep through the playoffs and World Series without losing a single game.

eig

THE ELITIST
A Yankee fan throughout childhood, native New Yorker Jonathan Eig has been conditioned to expect success—even when rooting for the Cubs. How does he explain the Cubs' dismal results these past dozen years in which he has been a season-ticket holder at Wrigley Field? A mere hiccup. Triumph is right around the corner.

babcock

THE FATALIST
Richard Babcock, a genetically programmed Cubs fan, has never studied physics, but his Unified Failure Theory—which posits that the nanosecond he thinks the Cubs will win, they will fail—has been verified by history, if not science. As a result, he assumes the worst.

kang

THE GIRL
Esther Kang would choose to watch a Cubs game with a beer in hand over just about any other activity in Chicago—summer, fall, winter, or spring. What makes her different from the guys is a constant, irrational pendulum of emotions: She swings wildly between pangs of maternal compassion for the helpless (Steve Bartman)—and wishes of violent mishaps upon tangential scapegoats (Kyle Farnsworth circa 2003). She also covers her eyes and hides during crucial moments of a game. Pathetic.

smith

THE UMP
A reformed Orioles fan who moved to Chicago a dozen years ago, Bryan Smith has skulked the fringes of Chicago baseball fandom, a man without a country. Puzzled by the deep hatred shared by Cubs and Sox lovers, he committed the ultimate sin: He grew to like both teams. Now, he walks alone, consoled only by his clear-eyed objectivity while watching either play, a silent arbiter on blown calls and not-really raw deals. Silent . . . until now.

johnson

THE TIME TRAVELER
For longtime White Sox fan Geoff Johnson, nothing would be more perfect than another World Series at the Cell. Except maybe Carlton Fisk would be back behind the plate, and Billy Pierce on the mound. Or better yet, Big Ed Walsh, with Shoeless Joe Jackson patrolling the outfield. Shoeless. And maybe Bill Veeck would again be the team owner, and the games would be played at old Comiskey Park, and after the Sox won the World Series, eliminating the Cubs in a dramatic game seven, everyone would head across the street for a celebratory round at McCuddy's.

What kind of baseball fan are you? Post a comment below, and check back regularly for our game analyses.

Posted at 11:59 PM in Black & Blue | Permalink

Reader Comments:
Old to new | New to old
Comments, page 1 of 2 1 2 Next »
Oct 1, 2008 11:48 am
 Posted by  Anonymous

You could only find one woman to include in this group? And you refer to her as "The Girl," "irrational," and "pathetic?" Wow. I'm appalled.

Oct 1, 2008 01:24 pm
 Posted by  Anonymous

Re: only one woman - that's 12.5% of the writers. Same representation as the bald guys.

Oct 1, 2008 01:49 pm
 Posted by  bummster

Yankee$ to Cubs fan? Reds to Cubs fan? Orioles to Cubs fan? Good to see conversion stories, but what were you thinking rooting for those teams? My hats off to Jeff. He brings truth to Chicago being the most stressful city to live in.

Oct 1, 2008 03:05 pm
 Posted by  Anonymous

RE: THE CUBS HATER
White Sox ballcap, hidden face, reading a Sesame Street book named 'Balls'.. this is highly disturbing imagery.

RE: THE DELUSIONIST
I want to thank you for teaching my high school shop class, I never knew zebra wood could be used to make cutting boards.

RE: THE ELITIST
Ah, a typical New Yorker. One part hard work, two parts entitlement. Hotdogs and papaya drink make me wanna puke.

RE: THE FATALIST
You look like you have a happy retirement lined up.

RE: THE GIRL
Didn't we drink Old Style together at the Cubby Bear once? I was the Asian guy posing as Michael Barrett.

RE: THE UMP
You absolutely cannot like both Chicago teams. North of Roosevelt, Cubs fan. South of Roosevelt, White Sox. Live near White Palace Grill? Pick a side.

RE: THE TIME TRAVELER
Joe Mantegna called. He wants his profile pick back.

I have nothing more to add other than Go Cubs Go!!!

Oct 1, 2008 04:13 pm
 Posted by  THE GIRL

re: only woman: i wrote my own bio, it's true. and i get a little irrational when it comes to the cubs. also true. and covering eyes while watching a game—i'm pretty sure that qualifies as pathetic.

re: old style at the cubby bear with an asian guy posing as barrett: yes, i remember. a little creepy, but good times nonetheless

Oct 1, 2008 06:45 pm
 Posted by  Anonymous

Where's Wilbon?

Oct 1, 2008 08:42 pm
 Posted by  Anonymous

OMG, TORRE IS USING MADDUX AS THE HUMAN VICTORY CIGAR!! CURSE YOU DALLAS GREEN!!!

Oct 1, 2008 08:44 pm
 Posted by  Anonymous

RE THE ELITIST:

Bald guys are sexy. Yankee fans are not. So it's a wash.

Oct 1, 2008 08:47 pm
 Posted by  Anonymous

Cubs fans, leaving a playoff game early? That is pathetic, even when you're getting your @#%es kicked.

Oct 1, 2008 10:31 pm
 Posted by  Anonymous

wow, that was the first time I've heard an entire crowd actually gasp after the crack of the bat.

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About This Blog

Two Chicago teams. Eight baseball fanatics. Dozens of neuroses among them. As long as the Sox and/or Cubs are still playing, Chicago’s editors and contributors, a group with more baggage than the United Terminal at O'Hare, will reveal their prejudices and vent their frustrations after each game. Here's the roster of pundits (click on the title to read the bio):

THE BLEACHERITE
  • Growing up in Cincinnati in the Big Red Machine era, Shane Tritsch thought it was wonderful—but hardly unusual—to see his team win the World Series. Then he moved to Chicago, became a Cubs fan, and learned otherwise. Now he hedges his emotional risk by rooting for the Cubs and his boyhood team, and by embracing the worldview of those beer-moistened party people in the Bud Light Bleachers. If the Cubs win, he's thrilled; if they lose, well, he's pretty damn happy anyway—as long as the weather is nice and the postgame line at Bernie's isn't too long.
THE CUBS HATER
  • Jeff Ruby grew up on the Sox, but lives on the North Side, bravely, in the heart of Cubbie territory. He spits on the Cubs pennant down his block every time he walks past. No one in the neighborhood likes him—not even his Sox-hating wife.
THE DELUSIONIST
  • James Ylisela Jr. celebrates every spring by confidently predicting that the Cubs will win it all. In the final game against Florida in the 2003 playoffs, Jim assured his friends that everything was going to work out fine. Several of those people are still not speaking to him. Jim says that's OK, too, because the 2008 Cubs will sweep through the playoffs and World Series without losing a single game.
THE ELITIST
  • A Yankee fan throughout childhood, native New Yorker Jonathan Eig has been conditioned to expect success—even when rooting for the Cubs. How does he explain the Cubs’ dismal results these past dozen years in which he has been a season-ticket holder at Wrigley Field? A mere hiccup. Triumph is right around the corner.
THE FATALIST
  • Richard Babcock, a genetically programmed Cubs fan, has never studied physics, but his Unified Failure Theory—which posits that the nanosecond he thinks the Cubs will win, they will fail—has been verified by history, if not science. As a result, he assumes the worst.
THE GIRL
  • Esther Kang would choose to watch a Cubs game with a beer in hand over just about any other activity in Chicago—summer, fall, winter, or spring. What makes her different from the guys is a constant, irrational pendulum of emotions: She swings wildly between pangs of maternal compassion for the helpless (Steve Bartman)—and wishes of violent mishaps upon tangential scapegoats (Kyle Farnsworth circa 2003). She also covers her eyes and hides during crucial moments of a game. Pathetic.
THE UMP
  • A reformed Orioles fan who moved to Chicago a dozen years ago, Bryan Smith has skulked the fringes of Chicago baseball fandom, a man without a country. Puzzled by the deep hatred shared by Cubs and Sox lovers, he committed the ultimate sin: He grew to like both teams. Now, he walks alone, consoled only by his clear-eyed objectivity while watching either play, a silent arbiter on blown calls and not-really raw deals. Silent . . . until now.
THE TIME TRAVELER
  • For longtime White Sox fan Geoff Johnson, nothing would be more perfect than another World Series at the Cell. Except maybe Carlton Fisk would be back behind the plate, and Billy Pierce on the mound. Or better yet, Big Ed Walsh, with Shoeless Joe Jackson patrolling the outfield. Shoeless. And maybe Bill Veeck would again be the team owner, and the games would be played at old Comiskey Park, and after the Sox won the World Series, eliminating the Cubs in a dramatic game seven, everyone would head across the street for a celebratory round at McCuddy’s.

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