If you’ve seen the new film The Holiday, I think you’ll agree: Jude Law has never looked hotter! The movie was emotionally draining, too, which I loved; it takes a lot for me to laugh out loud at movies, but I found myself doing that and crying, too. The one part I didn’t fall for: when Jude Law blurts out, “I’m in love with you!” to Cameron Diaz’s character. (She never says it back.)I mean, sure, Diaz is tall, blonde, and beautiful; who wouldn’t fall in love with her? But, come on! Law’s character is supposed to be a playboy who has countless one-night stands. After just a two-week sexfest, the single, gorgeous Law falls head over heels in love? Would that happen in real life? I don’t think so.
I know a little about playboys. I’ve dated a few, and I even work for Mr. Playboy himself. The most important lesson I’ve learned goes against everything my innermost feminist believes in: It’s a man’s world, and you need to play by his rules. Sad, but so true.
I spent Friday night hanging out with my family in the ‘burbs. While my niece and nephews played in the other room, the adults sat around the dinner table dissecting my dating life. (How fun does that sound?) Everyone, and I mean everyone, seems to have an opinion about it. Not the least of whom is my older brother Michael, 36, who always reminds me of those four simple words: It’s a man’s world. Since I’ve come to the conclusion I’m totally clueless about dating, I’m actually considering taking his advice, which goes something like this:
1. Don’t seem too eager. If you have a date set up, “Don’t call us; we’ll call you,” he says.
2. On that date, do not bring him to a function or party where “You know everyone, and he knows no one.”
3. Do not give him any grief. Never. Not about anything.
4. Don’t have sex with him right away!
5. Go with the flow. Don’t overanalyze every encounter with him. “We don’t put that much thought into things other than sports,” he says. (I’m still not sold on this one.)
My brother’s a straight-shooter (can’t you tell)? Even though I haven’t always agreed with his advice-or followed it-he does have some cred: He’s been married for eight years to a wonderful woman whom he’s known since college, and they now have three perfect kids. I remember making fun of him for being 26 and single (when I was 22), giving him a hard time about not having settled down. Now, how did I become the butt of the dinner-table discussions?
Unlike a lot of women, I didn’t date a lot after college; I was very focused on my career. I always knew I wanted to be a writer, and I put in some long hours at the jobs I held. (I was also hung up on my college beau, but I’ll blog about that another time, I’m sure.) Then I dated someone for a year and a half who was in my extended group of friends, so I didn’t have to look far to find him. I just haven’t expended that much energy on my dating life. When it comes to this stuff, I’ll admit it: I tend to see things in black and white. It’s either there or it isn’t. I don’t go on a lot of second dates for that reason.
So this new practice I’m trying to adopt-letting the men call the shots–has been challenging. But a lot of the relationships I’m surrounded by seem to work this way. That’s not to say the men treat the women badly, but the men do seem to decide what they want to do, see what movie they want to see, eat where they want to eat, and so on.
In the movie The Holiday, however, Diaz plays a character who’s equally noncommittal (she hasn’t even cried since she was 15!). She owns her own company in Hollywood and is used to calling the shots in her relationships. After the first time she and Jude Law’s character have sex, she lets him off the hook by telling him she doesn’t expect him to call or see her again–and it totally throws him for a loop!
So, maybe there is something to this being a “man’s world.” Act like a man to land a man? It seems to have worked for E! News anchor Giuliana DePandi, who just got engaged to our very own Bill Rancic. She even wrote a book about how to get that done, Think Like a Guy: How to Get a Guy by Thinking Like One.
Oh, and I forgot to mention rule No. 6, according to my bro. Once you’re finally married: “The other five rules no longer apply,” he says. “At that point, the women are in charge.”
Something to look forward to, I guess. And speaking of looking forward: As for the doctor, we went out Thursday night, and I had a great time. I’m trying to take my brother’s advice and just go with the flow. But honestly, it’s all a little confusing. We had plans for Saturday but got our wires crossed and didn’t make it out. No one’s at fault, though, so stay tuned for more updates this Thursday.