In the spirit of year-end lists—and not taking myself too seriously—I’ve compiled some of the best (and snarkiest) responses to Last Girl Standing, culled from comments posted to the blog throughout 2007. Here’s to even more banter in 2008.
In response to: Weekend Update
You said: “We have the privilege to read about the chronicles of a Chicago woman who is quickly approaching middle age. She flirts with randoms, gets wasted on expensive martinis, and spends time text messaging bar owners to try to get the ‘in.’ She is the epitome of the Old Man in the Window. If the Old Man had a column ten years ago, it’d be very similar. Last Girl Standing now, Alone Girl Sitting later.”
I say: That’s a great name for a blog! I’ll consider it for Last Girl Standing 2.0. But let’s get one thing clear: I only flirt with randoms who buy me expensive martinis.
In response to: The Pick-up Artists
You said: “All I want is a nice girl to throw a Frisbee around, and eat a corndog and Sno-Cone with. Not a girl who demands to go to expensive restaurants, and has to have the latest purse and matching shoes.”
I say: This reader is sadly misguided. Everyone knows your purse should not match your shoes.
In response to: Special Update: Pharmacy
You said: “Do you ever have a night end without going to a Billy Dec club?”
I say: No. I just go there because I feel sorry for the poor guy. He never gets any publicity.
In response to: Bars. Boys. Beers.
You said: “Does anyone think Sarah looks a little like Axl Rose?”
I say: I’ve always been told I resemble Mariah Carey. I consider Axl an improvement. Thanks!
In response to: Man Crushes
You said: “My man crush is definitely Tom Welling from Smallville. He has such ripped pecs and a firm behind. Have you seen the cover of the DVD boxed set with his sweat dribbling down?”
I say: No, but have you seen the cover of the Superbad DVD? Hello, Michael Cera.
In response to: Settling Versus Settling Down
You said: “If you can truly look at a person and imagine yourself with that person for the next 20, 30, 40, or 50 years, then you know you may have something after all the youth and beauty have faded.”
I say: I’m no expert, but I think this reader is onto something. Then again, there’s always plastic surgery.
In response to: Dating Disasters
You said: “I have to agree with the comments so far. Although I have been in a relationship where the woman preferred text messaging, e-mailing, and talking on the phone, the biggest problem with all that is that she would do this while we were on a date. While I am not Brad Pitt or George Clooney, just an average Joe, at least do me the courtesy of faking attention while you’re with me, and then when the date’s over you can go back to your gadgets.”
I say: You just solved all of my dating dilemmas. I think I’ve got it. Texting at the table: bad. Talking to your date: good?
In response to: The Breakup
You said: “What’s with guys always wanting to be friends after a breakup? Is that for the booty calls or so they don’t feel like jerks? Or both?”
I say: Generally speaking, I think guys are perfectly happy to risk looking like a jerk for a no-strings-attached booty call. Call me crazy.
In response to: The Singles Table
You said: “A ratings system from a bunch of dateless guys at a wedding? How much could they actually know about women?”
I say: More than you think. These weren’t dateless guys who were rating me; they’re all married with kids.
In response to: The Pitfalls of Mr. Perfect
You said: “I love reading your posts. I have lots of friends who live on the North Side, in the Lincoln Park/Old Town/Gold Coast area, and reading your blog reminds me how much people in that area are in search of a life. Nobody grew up there, so all of the transient suburbanite transplants like to think they are living in the big, bad city. What they have created instead is a subculture based on lame people gathered in expensive but lame surroundings. I love Chicago, but in all honesty, there is more to the city than clubs/the Cubs/Lincoln Park trixies/metrosexual guys/Us Weekly wannabes.”
I say: What’s an Us Weekly wannabe? I like the sound of it. I just need to know more so I can better apply myself.
In response to: Celebrity Beat: Keeping Up with Kim Kardashian
You said: “Kim is so beautiful, she should be in nude videos. I know I would watch them.”
I say: You missed your chance. Kim’s infamous escapade was pulled off the shelves.
In response to: Le Passage Lives! Plus, a New York Invasion
You said: “Maybe no one went to the Misshapes set because they’re so five minutes ago. Maybe Chicago is ahead of the curve.”
I say: Or maybe they don’t have any talent other than looking cool.
In response to: What Women Don’t Want
You said: “Women of Chicago, let this blog be your guide. Read whatever SP says and do the exact opposite.”
I say: I couldn’t have said it better myself.
And my favorite, from one anonymous reader to another.
In response to: Celebrity Beat: Duran Duran, Lauren Conrad, Brody Jenner
You said: “I would put money on you being the following: single, cat lover, haven’t been with a man for several months. I will go further to say that you get together with your girlfriends to discuss why you don’t have a man. You might ask yourself, How does he know such about me? Well, for starters, it’s 5:09 a.m., so you weren’t with someone last night. As a man, let me tell you this: If you are anything like your post, there is a clear reason why you are a single cat lady. It’s because you are not open-minded about jokes, and you think you are smarter than everyone. Do all of us men a favor next time you are out (probably not at a bar because you don’t drink): Please do not approach us and try to make intelligent conversation. That is the most annoying thing I have toward you B-grade ladies.”
I say: It can get lonely during the holidays. So much so, some readers like to argue with themselves on blogs.
2 days ago