The Marital Threshold
We're at the halfway mark now between when we got engaged and when we're getting married, with exactly three months to go until the wedding. Technically we haven't been dating a full year yet; that anniversary falls in the middle of July. We had thought our short history would prompt the most inquiry from friends and family, but, it turns out, everyone's first question is, "Where are you going to live?"—as if planning a big wedding in six months' time isn't enough to keep us occupied. Did I mention The Fiancé is simultaneously launching a new hot dog chain? And I'm still recovering from that reconstructive knee surgery I had two months ago?
Even when reminded of our hectic timeline, some friends who made big moves around the time of their marriages relentlessly encourage us to do the same. Others caution against it. "Don't make the same mistake we did," one of my best friends said over a recent dinner at Carmine's. She and her now-husband were living in separate condos when they got engaged; they sold both of their places to buy a new house, which they love, just before their wedding, but the move just added more stress to an already busy, emotional time.
The truth is, we've been thinking about moving and even found a single-family home we'd like to buy, but the more we talk about the timing of it all—selling my Old Town condo, which he moved into in March from his rented bachelor pad in Bucktown; buying and furnishing a new home, starting a business, tying the knot—the more it feels like the wrong time to throw another milestone into the mix. Does getting married mean you have to immediately move into a place that has both of your names on the deed?
On Father's Day, with both of our families convened, the topic du jour over lox and bagels was our potential move. "They're spoiled," his sister-in-law said when mention of the five-bedroom house we've been coveting came up. The rebuttal—But most of our married friends live in single-family homes!—didn't seem like an appropriate argument. We tried to say that, with a bigger house, we'd be able to entertain both families on special occasions, but no one was buying that either.
So, that's where we are: Two people living in a place built for one, in a terrible real estate market, about to get married. "There's nothing wrong with waiting to move," my mom said to me the other day when I was complaining about how, when either of us needs some alone time, we're relegated to the bedroom or the bathroom. "Don't forget: Your father and I lived in a small one bedroom when we got married." Great, so, 41 years ago—in a different world, really—my parents endured the same living conditions. Maybe we are biting off more than we can chew. After all, what's the hurry? We haven't even been dating a year.
Thoughts? Post below.
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Reader Comments:
Wow, you haven't even dated for a year? There have been studies showing that the 2 year mark is they hardest to get past! I thought you would have more sense then that. I think you are rushing into EVERYTHING!
Honestly, I think your sister is right... and frankly I'm at the end of my rope hearing about Vera Wang this, Drake that and now you want sympathy about the hard choice to go from a one bedroom Old Town condo to a 5 bedroom house??? For the 45th time isn't this supposed to be a blog about entertainment, not a 30 something girl droning on and on about her wedding? It's close to the end of June and there has been nary a mention of festivals or great summer activities at all and we live in CHICAGO!! This time of year is what we live for NOT YOUR WEDDING! Chicago Mag you can count me out until you split this chickie off the entertainment beat and employ someone who has the pulse of the town to tell us what's really goin on.
Oh goodness, leave her alone with the criticisms.....marriage is a part of life that came from the social activities in which she partakes and that adds some "realness" to the entries....you only get married, hopefully, once....let her enjoy!!
seriously , you must be REALLY pathetic if you have to read this blog in order to find out what is going on during the summer in CHITOWN.
Who cares! can we talk about something that concerns the general public?
This column has gone lame.
Anyone know anyone who could take her place? Please don't say susanna homan
Agreed! let's def talk about something that concerns the general public...which kinda doesn't include a 5 bedroom house. I'm all for hearing about the wedding but how 'bout spinning it off into a seperate blog and leave this one for up and coming going out stuff in Chicago, the original intent of this column... which by the way does include the summer...aren't there any new rooftops or anything to talk about?
Jeff Ruby has Push, may Sarah could spin her wedding and ever after tales into something more like that.
Maybe print really is dead. It's as if the readers to Sarah's blog don't realize she covers the nightlife in her monthly column in the magazine... I just read about rooftop bars in fact.
if you only have 3 mos until your wedding- move after your wedding/honeymoon. you have enough stress to deal with right now....
Well when she used to post them twice a week in her online blog why would I check for those in the print magazine? I've posted numerous times in columns past about how lame this column has gotten, and people *really* think that we're "jealous"?? I'm not mad at her, nobody is jealous. The blog byline says she's "Chicago’s resident go-to girl-about-town" and LGS is her "going-out blog"! Posting maybe once a week about what's going on and 75% of those are about what happened last weekend is not a very good "going-out blog", whether you like to read about her wedding or not. And I'm definitely not alone on that.
A lot of parents lived that way in their first years together. They went through much more struggles then many of us went through. My parents had me at 20 years old and then got married and then 5 years later were able to buy their first house (a 3 BR in the suburbs). If you have the money, then do it. Whats stopping you? But please, can you talk more about whats going on in Chicago. Like others said there are so many cool events going on. I wish you would post a calendar of "pick" events each week instead of just writing about places like "Carmines" that we already know about.
From a one-bedroom condo to a five bedroom house? Seriously? Are you planning on having multiple children soon? If you want to talk about stress, how about having to furnish, clean & maintain a five bedroom home when you've been used to living in a small condo. Don't bite off more than you can chew. For the first three years of my marriage, we lived in a two-bedroom condo....when we decided to start a family, then we moved into a single family home. I have two kids and have a four-bedroom....you have no kids and want a five-bedroom???????????????
I don't care if you talk about your wedding planning, but please change the byline, which currently reads:
Chicago's dating & nightlife blog.
You are no longer dating, so it's false advertising. Actually, only half the posts are about nightlife, but I'll forgive that one. You can still call it's Chicago's nightlife blog, but you really do need to get rid of the word "dating" because it's just not true anymore.
In today's economic environment, your biggest stress is wondering if you should move into a five-bedroom home? You are crass! There are people worrying about how to even pay their mortgages, retain their jobs and coping with the rising cost of utilities, gasoline and groceries and you can't quite decide if the time is right for you - because of your "hectic" schedule NOT your economic situation - to move from a condo to a HUGE home? You are out of touch with reality and the typical singleton living in Chicago.
It doesn't sound like she's too worried about moving, she's telling us that's what OTHER people seem to care most about, where they're going to live...
Sarah don't worry - the minute you're married people will be asking you how many kids you want to have! How are you going to answer that question???
If I were you, I'd get that five bedroom house now, while the housing market is the way it is. Great time for buyers. Just make sure you can afford it.
This is the worst blog about nightlife, please hear our plea's and make this a wedding blog/married life and give us singles some new on whats happening!
A couple points I would like to make as a long time follower of this blog. 1. In its current state it sucks, 2. your marriage is going to fail, sorry but its true 3. you have no idea whats happening around Chicago anymore 4. you need to swallow your pride and give the nightlife blog to someone else
why is her marriage going to fail?