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Push

May 2012

2 years
ago

Week 33: Who Robs a Pregnant Woman?

On Tuesday, someone robbed my seven-months-pregnant wife on Clark Street. No, there is not a special place in hell for People Who Steal From Pregnant Women, because there is no such thing as hell. But if there were, that special place would be in the same scorching, roach-infested neighborhood that houses…

3 years
ago

Week 32: Expecting the Worst

Here’s where I criticize a movie I haven’t seen. It’s called What to Expect When You’re Expecting; it stars Cameron Diaz, Jennifer Lopez, Chris Rock, Elizabeth Banks, Dennis Quaid, Brookyn Decker, and that guy from Glee; and after sitting through the smarmy, cliché-dripping trailer—twice—I wanted to punch every single one of them in the face…

3 years
ago

Week 31: How to @#$% Up

After much research, I have finally learned the absolute worst thing to say to one’s pregnant wife. With just a few simple words, you, too, can tear into your beloved spouse’s every insecurity and lay them bare at a exact moment when she is at her most vulnerable!…

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