As the Rolling Stones sang, you can’t always get what you want. I’m perfectly in touch with that notion. I spent Monday evening with an ex who’s still a good friend, although things weren’t always so copasetic. Right now we’re on the same page-meaning I’m not pining away for him-which makes being friends easy, so I had him over to my new place for spaghetti and meatballs (which I cooked from scratch). When it comes to exes, my philosophy is, unless he did something horribly inexcusable, why write him off? He must have some redeeming qualities if we dated in the first place. Don’t say it can’t be done: I am capable of being just friends with a guy.With this particular ex, whenever we tiptoe around commitment, one or both of us get freaked out. I’m just as guilty as he is. Sometimes I want the relationship more; sometimes he does. I’m my own worst enemy when it comes to this situation. It’s when I think I can have him that I question whether or not I really want him. And the minute he starts pulling away, even if I pulled back first, I start to second-guess my gut. Which I should never do.
On the flipside, why is it that what I know I don’t want is what I’m always left with?
A guy I went on one single date with nearly four years ago keeps e-mailing to ask me out. Ever since we bumped into each other a few months ago at Le Passage, he’s been pursuing me relentlessly again. I’ve given him absolutely no indication that I’m interested, yet the e-mails and Bulls game invites keep coming. He even asked me to fly to New York to be his date for a fancy business dinner. Sure, the event sounded right up my alley-if it didn’t mean going with him. Needless to say, I turned him down.
I don’t mean to sound harsh. I’m sure he’s a perfectly nice person with good intentions; I’m just not interested. And I’ve run out of ways to tell him. The last time he e-mailed, I said I couldn’t go to dinner because I had started seeing someone new-which was true, at the time-but since that last fling fizzled, the e-mails have started again.
From: [Name redacted]
Sent: Monday, February 26, 2007 1:14 PM
To: Preston, Sarah
In L.A. Off to SF then NYC, back Friday. What are your weekend plans? I am trying to get tickets Friday night to the Bulls game. Let me know and e-mail me back.
Also, Oscars week in L.A. was awesome. This is of course on top of the week in L.A., TV City, Beverly Hills, Clubs, LOTS of STAR SIGHTINGS. You’d be super proud of me. They put me in the penthouse suite 5 when I checked in Tuesday. Guess who is in penthouse 2? K Akon and Snoop (and 100 other MTV stars they roll with). RUMOR has it they were preparing for Kyung’s trip west this upcoming week!!!
They have been tossing parties since Thursday. Not bad for a Jewish boy from the North Shore. They are fans! LOL.
Hope you had a great one and have a good week ahead.
No rings. How about it Friday?
His e-mail reads like we’ve been corresponding, but we haven’t. I had no idea he was in L.A. for the Oscars (and frankly, I don’t care). But I get a message like this about every two weeks. And while I sit here trying to decode his white-boy-rapper speak (who the hell is Kyung?), I’m not sure if I should respond. Is it bad karma for a single girl to blow off a gesture like this? I may not always know exactly what I want in the love department, and I haven’t always made the best decisions, but I do know when someone just isn’t winning me over.