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An Ode to DNAinfo Headlines

The year’s 10 most memorable from the late, great news site.

DNAinfo, the news website that took an ultramicro approach to covering Chicago’s neighborhoods, abruptly shuttered Thursday, along with sister site Chicagoist. Over the past five years, DNAinfo’s reporters called out Chicago cops for purposely damaging their dashcams and broke city-shaking stories such as the Jackie Robinson West Little League cheating scandal.

But the site also elevated the everyday eccentricities of city life with hyperspecific, gleefully weird headlines, the most memorable of which read like dystopian haiku. Here, our 10 favorites from 2017, ranked.

109-Finger Handshake: Mayor With 4½ Digits Meets Worker With 4½ Digits

9Magic Show At Funeral Homes Not As Grim As It Sounds, Performer Promises

8Man Says He Found A Baby Rat In His Egg Fu Yung And Got Very Sick

7Female Robber Holding A Chihuahua Robbed UIC Students, Police Say

6Culver’s Being Built On Smallpox Cemetery Used In Civil War, Historians Say

5Man Walking Dog Pulls Gun On Mailman For Running A Stop Sign: Prosecutors

4Babe-raham Lincoln: Statue Has People Crushing On Hot, Sexy Abe Lincoln

3Time Capsule Of Candy Wrappers Found In Historically Dirty Congress Theater

2Cat-Killing Raccoons Move Into Vacant House, Terrorize Neighbors

1Spiders Could Eat Every Chicago Resident In Less Than A Year, Easily

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