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Which Chicago Mascot Would Win in a Fight?

When a fan recently attacked the Blackhawks’ Tommy Hawk, the costumed creature didn’t just take the beating on the beak. He fought back with an attempted powerbomb. That got us thinking: How might other local mascots fare in a fight?

Benny the Bull

Benny the Bull

Photo: Terrence Antonio James/Chicago Tribune

Strength:Horns. They can inflict some serious damage but …

Weakness:… could also easily wind up tangled in merch at a souvenir kiosk.

Lethality:3 out of 5

 

Squeeze the Mustard Bottle

Squeeze the Mustard Bottle

Photo: Courtesy of the Chicago Dogs

Strength:Firepower. The Chicago Dogs mascot is essentially a giant mustard cannon.

Weakness:When running on empty, he must be tipped upside down and tapped on his bottom to get any remaining fight out.

Lethality:3 1/2 out of 5

 

Southpaw

Southpaw the … something?

Photo: John J. Kim/Chicago Tribune

Strength:Inscrutability. From the Sox website: “Some people think I’m an alligator, frog or even a dirty sock.” That sounds like an answer to a Jeopardy! question: “What are three things I hope to never find stuffed inside my pillow case?”

Weakness:Suffers from identity issues.

Lethality:5 out of 5

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