The Last Hurrah

Last week was The Fiancé’s rite-of-passage dudefest commonly known as the Vegas bachelor party. Before his trip, I laid down one simple rule: No touching strippers in inappropriate places. That’s it. One rule. I didn’t ask him not to go to strip clubs; I didn’t remind him not to gamble away our life savings (he knows better). But maybe there should have been two simple rules. On our first weekend apart since getting engaged, it might have been nice for…

Last week was The Fiancé’s rite-of-passage dudefest commonly known as the Vegas bachelor party. Before his trip, I laid down one simple rule: No touching strippers in inappropriate places. That’s it. One rule. I didn’t ask him not to go to strip clubs; I didn’t remind him not to gamble away our life savings (he knows better). But maybe there should have been two simple rules. On our first weekend apart since getting engaged, it might have been nice for him—typically a thoughtful guy—to call me once in a while and check in.

During the five days The Fiancé spent in Vegas with his friends, uncles, cousins, dad, brother, and my own brother—a rowdier group than it sounds—I barely heard from him. After day one the phone calls pretty much stopped; on day two the charming text messages he usually sends just to let me know he’s thinking about me petered out. That’s when I was sure I knew: The Fiancé had changed his mind about getting married!

I used to date a guy—let’s call him The Three-Year One-Night Stand—who told me a story about a friend of his who, during his bachelor weekend in Vegas, met a stripper, fell in love, left his fiancée, and called off the wedding a month before the big day. TTYONS had yet another friend whom he caught cheating on the girl he would eventually propose to—in Vegas, of course. (TTYONS himself was no paragon of malehood.)

Don’t get me wrong: I love Vegas as much as the next red-blooded dude. I work for Playboy and attend Mansion parties for work, so nude women and sexually explicit behavior don’t exactly make me flinch. But while the suddenly silent Fiancé was off enjoying private lap dances at the Spearmint Rhino—or at least that’s what I envisioned him doing—poisonous thoughts began to pollute my mind.

I don’t know for sure if the above actually happened the way I pictured it—after all, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas—but I do know that a lack of sleep coupled with paralyzing anxiety does funny things to people. Even typically laid-back people. And especially when those typically laid-back people are women whose weddings are less than one month away. When I did hear from The Fiancé, once he was back safely on Chicago soil, he confirmed that my fears were completely irrational. That’s when I realized two things: The stress of the wedding is taking a major toll on me, and, even more disturbingly, I’ve become that girl.

* * *

Maybe that was the final straw that convinced the ‘zilla girls—AKA my mom and my matron of honor/sister-in-law, Kim—that I needed a breather. This past weekend marked a second bachelorette party of sorts for me, albeit a much tamer one. We spent a couple of days at the serene Kohler Spa in Wisconsin, where we traded randy late nights for massages and facials, and spent hours sipping wine and talking about the wedding we’ve been planning for the past five months.

As women often do, we got sentimental about family and good friends who will be attending the wedding, and those who aren’t with us anymore. We talked about what marriage really means and how much my life has changed for the better in such a short time—and how natural that all feels. We laughed about how I first met The Fiancé five years ago on a blind date, how I didn’t return his call when he wanted to take me out again, and how we met again unceremoniously at a late-night club last summer. “See,” my mom said. “You could have been married by now with three kids.”

After one of the most relaxing afternoons I’ve had since getting engaged in March, I returned to my hotel room and found a beautiful bouquet of red roses, a bottle of Champagne, and a card that read, “In 31 days I will become the luckiest guy for the rest of my life. You are and always will be my world.”

It was then that all of those irrational fears and insignificant worries over linens and booze and caterers vanished, and I had an epiphany: Timing is everything. And he’s not the lucky one. I am.

Sarah will be taking the month of September off for her rapidly approaching nuptials, but tune in Thursday for her last nightlife post as the Last Girl Standing, then check back in October for the latest in nightlife news.

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6 years ago
Posted by Anonymous

Sorry to break it to you, but you're WAY more naive than you think you are. WAY MORE. Okay, let me lay it down for you. You're fiance got into some bad, bad mojo in Vegas. 99% chance of that! Do you even realize how seamy that place is? And he was there for five days....on a bachelor party no less. The reason he didn't call is that he was probably smashed off his can the whole time, moving between strip clubs, casino lounges, and blackjack tables. You were worried about lap dances and "no touching"? Do you even realize what goes on in places like the "Spearmint Rhino"? You only think you do. You're fiance likely got some sort of evil version of "the nookie" while he was in Sin City...sorry to break it to you. Maybe he fell victim to one of the "escorts" that hover around all the casino lounges after midnight. It's common knowledge to vegas regulars that these working girls like to prey (no FEAST!) on very drunk "bachelors" stumbling around casinos trying to make the most of their last "free weekend". It's their bread and butter, and it's VERY prevalent. Yep, that's the most likely scenario. Hey, you should forgive him, he was smashed drunk, and his defenses were down. Yep, the guilt must have been crushing for him. Thus, the no phone calls or even text messages. Does the fact that he sent flowers make up for all that? It probably relieved some of his guilt. Hey, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. There's a darn good reason they came up with that phrase.

6 years ago
Posted by Anonymous

Anonymous 8:03, while trying to sound savvy, comes off like an overprotective grandmother - "Don't you know what goes on at these places?!"

Vegas is not like that for everyone. Maybe for you. What goes on at The Spearmint Rhino? Women get naked. If men pay them lots of money, they do other things. But it's not like it's mandatory or something, the way you make it out to be.

Look, if this dude is a good guy, it's not like he's powerless against Vegas. Some people, when faced with all kinds of carnal possibilities, can actually control themselves. It's ridiculous posts like the one above that must have Vegas's formidable travel PR machine drooling, because you obviously buy into the whole thing.

The guy probably got drunk with his buddies, gambled, and stared at naked women. That's all. That's what goes on in Vegas for most of the young men who go there. But not you, Anonymous 8:03! You know the True Vegas.

Maybe what happens in your ridiculous post should stay in your ridiculous post. Chump.

6 years ago
Posted by Anonymous

As I mentioned to my future bro-in-law (his uncle's name for me- the uncle's is "Hard-Ten"), Sarah's worried texts and calls were just the beginning. Being married for 10 years I know that I need to call when I wake up (and not just 2 minutes before I head down to the buffet), once during the day to check in, and certainly before bedtime. The best part about being in Vegas is that bedtime in Chicago is still early evening out there so I can say good night and then head to tables (or wherever...)

As a witness to the festivities last weekend, I can tell you that the Fiance acted completely and appropriately respectful. And even if he didn't, I would never violate the code or else I wouldn't be invited back for a one-year anniversary celebration next year with Hard Ten and the boys!

The Brother

6 years ago
Posted by Anonymous

Nice cover up guy! I am sure he was well behaved.

6 years ago
Posted by Anonymous

I don't want to be critical or negative, Last Girl Standing, but I agree with the previous poster that you do sound very naive. No "inappropriate touching"? You should have insisted that he not have sex with the strippers/hookers. I agree with the previous poster that most women do not know what goes on in strip clubs. I have spoken to women who worked in strip clubs and there is a lot of prostitution that occurs every night in every strip club they ever worked at. First of all a proper lap dance ends with the man ejaculating. So it is not a big leap for sex. It is a business and the women who work there are there to make money -- it is a job and sex pays more than just ejaculation. My guy friends have confirmed that whenever strippers have been at their parties there were always some guys who paid extra for sex with the women workers.

6 years ago
Posted by Anonymous

I agree with the first poster. The only "chump" is the fiance.....who also is probably the second poster. Perhaps he's feeling a little guilty?

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