Illustration by John Kenzie
Illustration: John Kenzie

My parents have been talking about moving to Chicago, and I don’t want them to. How do I make their next visit suck?

Drive to Lincoln Park Zoo (parking $20 to $35) at rush hour. Complain about how you pay so much in taxes. This might bring up talking points like our city’s fiscal issues. Afterward, take them to the Wiener’s Circle, with no warnings.

My pregnant wife is way overdue. Help me induce labor!

Start at a class for expecting moms at Bloom Yoga Studio. Then head to LD Pho for the spicy beef noodle soup. Just down the street: the Mexican ice cream shop Fruityland. Mangoes and pineapples might help. Not sure of the science.

My girlfriend’s birthday is coming up, but I’m planning to break up with her after that.

The bookstore/bar Kibbitznest is good for first dates and … last dates. You could write a note on its old-school typewriters. Or relax in King Spa & Sauna’s separate men’s and women’s areas.