Illustration by John Kenzie
Illustration: John Kenzie

This winter, Amazon Studios started shooting Gillian Flynn’s adaptation of the British show Utopia in Chicago. Despite the name, everyone and everything in the nine-episode drama about people fleeing deep state conspirators is despicable. Which got us thinking: If they really want to use locations that sound great but are actually just the worst, they should probably film at …

The New Wrigleyville

Chased by shadowy assailants, the characters stumble onto Clark Street and face a true horror: a humorless strip mall filled with drunken bros, expensive hotels, concept restaurants, sterile sports bars, and bougie provisions like lavender-flavored ice cream.

Pizzeria Uno

This group of DIY detectives knows there’s no problem that pizza can’t solve. Until what appears to be a sauce-covered cake arrives at their table and they scream, “IS THIS A LASAGNA?!”

St. Patrick’s Day and River Dyeing

While searching for clues to explain the epidemic sweeping the nation, our heroes discover a sea of stumbling zombies vomiting Guinness into an inexplicably green river.