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Jeff Ruby
Week 32: Expecting the Worst
By Jeff Ruby
Here’s where I criticize a movie I haven’t seen. It’s called What to Expect When You’re Expecting; it stars Cameron Diaz, Jennifer Lopez, Chris Rock, Elizabeth Banks, Dennis Quaid, Brookyn Decker, and that guy from Glee; and after sitting through the smarmy, cliché-dripping trailer—twice—I wanted to punch every single one of them in the face... Read more
Week 31: How to @#$% Up
By Jeff Ruby
After much research, I have finally learned the absolute worst thing to say to one’s pregnant wife. With just a few simple words, you, too, can tear into your beloved spouse’s every insecurity and lay them bare at a exact moment when she is at her most vulnerable!... Read more
Week 29: A Word About Poop
By Jeff Ruby
It’s common knowledge that for new parents, everything revolves around poo and pee. It’s all we talk about and think about—every joke and every riddle and song. You don’t even want to know about my dreams. We spend a lot of time trying to keep our kids from engaging in Potty Talk, because it’s impolite and gross—but for those of you without offspring... Read more
The Parking Sticker Monster
By Jeff Ruby
STICKER SHOCK: Those #@*% parking receipts were driving me nuts—until I found a new purpose for the obnoxious clutter on my dashboard Read more
Week 27: Sleepwalking
By Jeff Ruby
Last night, just as I was falling asleep, unconfirmed reports came from the kids’ room that the dog had peed all over Max’s bed. A reconnaissance scout was sent to the hot zone to investigate, and promptly brought word that the rumor was, in fact, true. The dog had peed with extreme prejudice... Read more
Week 26: Name That Baby
By Jeff Ruby
I don’t recall arguing about baby names the last two times. Hannah and Max. In my mind, both kids popped out, we had the names ready to go, and that was that. Boom, done. The names fit, and they stuck. In retrospect it’s impossible to imagine them as anything else. You’d think we’d have this process down pat by now, but this time, we can’t imagine the kid at all... Read more