December 2008

My mom loved wrapping presents, especially at Christmastime. She was obsessed with it, and even set up a designated section of the basement, with a folding table and ribbons sorted by color. She would spend days making puffy bows, folding origami tags, and collaging works of art that really were a shame to tear open. She also had a wicked sense of humor, and loved to trick us by putting gifts in inappropriate boxes. She’d tuck a doll for my sis in a power-tool package, my Mork rainbow suspenders in a cigarette carton—that sort of thing, just to see our (momentarily) disappointed faces. She would have slapped her knee silly with these fake boxes that the Onion store sells: “Visor-ganizer—turns your hat into another pocket” and “KleenStride—the personal debris removal system.” They have six Onion-y designs, they’re 12 in. by 9 in. by 4 in., and $7.99 each. Watch out! 

—BRADLEY LINCOLN