UPDATE: All appearances by "Jersey Shore" cast members in Chicago this weekend have been canceled, according to reports.

I had a disturbing phone conversation yesterday with my uncle Jack. “My mission this week is to get my picture taken with as many Jersey Shore cast members as possible,” I told him.

“What’s Jersey Shore?” he replied.

“‘What’s Jersey Shore’?” I was incredulous. “It’s that MTV show about those Jersey kids who spend the summer at the shore! Well, not all of them are from Jersey. But you know what I mean. The poufed hair, the brawls, the ripped abs, the flagrant throwing around of stereotypes. It’s, like, bigger than The Real World.”

“Well, nobody watches The Real World anymore,” he said.

“Some do,” I huffed, reminding myself to check my DVR for the new episode.

Friday night is unofficially Jersey Shore Night in Chicago, with four of the most popular cast members—Snooki, J-Woww, Mike “The Situation,” and DJ Pauly D—appearing at three different clubs. From what I hear, the fans are going wild. And by fans, I mean me. As noted above, I’ve launched a campaign to have my photo taken with as many cast members as possible, and I don’t plan to go it alone. In fact, my friend Jenny and I have been planning our poufs, which led to this AIM exchange:

Amalie: I might actually wear my Bumpit to meet The Situation.
Jenny: But I need help. I’m afraid my Bumpit will show, and The Situation will KNOW.
Amalie: Seriously! I don’t know how to hide the Bumpit, or secure it. I’ll have to read the directions.
Jenny: Maybe I’ll go tanning first, then to Supercuts to have them install the Bumpit correctly.
Amalie: I haven’t tanned since 1998.

If you have any Bumpit advice, or if you’d like to join our operation to live it up, Jersey Shore-style, come elbow your way to the front with us at the following events on Friday, January 15th:

• Mike “The Situation” and DJ Pauly D at the West Loop lounge Lumen, 8 p.m. to 2 a.m. Cover is $20;  RSVP to info@lumen-chicago.com.

• Snooki at the River North club Manor, 10 p.m. to 2 a.m. Cover is $20; RSVP to reservations@manorchicago.com.

• J-Woww at RiNo Lounge, also in River North, 11 p.m. to 4 a.m. Cover is—you guessed it—$20; RSVP to reservations@rinolounge.com.