Many Happy Returns
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Flight Test
The only thing worse than a baby on a plane is a sick baby on a plane, and that’s what we had. Hannah wailed and flailed and hacked like a septuagenarian on the first flight, basically all the way from Chicago to San Francisco. We thought maybe she had the croup, which involves a cough that sounds like a dog barking. Not a yippy dog, a Weimaraner or something; a big dog. A German shepherd. The thought of a 7,600-mile fight to Australia with a grumpy German shepherd seemed really stupid.
I tried to convince Sarah we should get a room in San Francisco for the night and start fresh in the morning. Was already thinking room service, maybe mozzarella sticks or Caesar salad, but then I got overruled…
The Idea
The two of us were sitting in Pho Something or Other on Argyle Street when the idea popped into our heads. We’d been invited to Melbourne, Australia for Rhain’s wedding in a few months, and I wanted to go.
“Seems like an awful long way to go for just a wedding,” Sarah said.
“Come on. He’s my oldest friend.”
“Well, if we’re going all the way there, maybe we should turn it into a longer trip.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean you take your paternity leave and we blow it out.” She smiled. “If you could go anywhere in the world…”
Coming Soon …
Push: one couple’s brave attempt to travel abroad for two months with a baby.
When my friends and family heard that I planned to spend my paternity leave traveling 10,000 miles with my wife and 11-month-old, some called me crazy. Some called me stupid. Others just stopped calling. But away we went—and now, you’re coming with us.
Catch up with Sarah, Hannah (aka the kid born on the floor), and me as the three of us fumble our way across…
The Proposal
The Background
I’ve never pictured myself the typical bride. If and when I fantasized about the Big Day, I envisioned a kick-ass party with my family and friends—at a Vegas hotel, to be totally honest—but never was I wearing a pouffy white dress, and my hair definitely wasn’t curled into ringlets. The groom was a faceless man, about six feet tall, and built like Clooney (who, in reality, is considerably shorter—hey, it’s a fantasy). And I was walking down the aisle toward the rabbi to the tune of “Fool in the Rain” by Led Zeppelin.
Without too much psychoanalysis, let’s just say I’ve always wanted the unattainable…
Spring? Ha!
It’s cold, snowy, dark, gloomy and depressing out. And yet, it really
could be worse. Thanks to Flickr’s chaosgurlpink for a reminder of the
winter past—with just enough sunshine to help us look to the warm weather
ahead of us. True spring weather is just around the corner … right? …
Epilogue
The hospital floor looked like a crime scene. The sheets and pillows were coated in red, brown, and pretty much every other color. Sarah’s sneakers, which she never took off, were soaked all the way through in blood, and so were my socks. Somewhere, someone has a picture of me holding up my bloody socks, grinning as though I’d landed a 40-pound steelhead trout.
“How about getting in the bed now?” Kim asked Sarah.
The group helped get Sarah onto the pristine white bed, which wasn’t pristine for long. It turns out that the last push, during the ring of fire, was a doozy, and Sarah ripped from one end to the other…
The Shining
Now in their second year, the Green Awards prove there is no end to our citizens’ eco-accomplishments. With nearly 100 nominations to choose from, we narrowed the list down to five remarkable individuals who strive for a brighter, cleaner, and greener future.
The Blip – April 2008
Bright spots on the month’s cultural radar
Week 42: Deliverance
So there we were, in a sterile room somewhere near the corner of 59th and Maryland on the South Side of Chicago, my wife leaning against me on the floor. Per her request, I’m supporting her from under her arms, almost like a headlock. We’re surrounded by people, most of whom we don’t know. Our doc and nurse are on their knees in front of us, and my parents, whose flight leaves in two hours, are right behind them, taking pictures of my wife’s vagina.
Then it happened so fast. She started pushing. Huge, grunty pushes that turned her whole body into a steel pillar, thick and immovable. Every time she did, she screamed, and…